NUMB NUMB NUMB NUMB NUMB NUMB
alone in my world surrounded by strangers and echoes
do not get stuck between what is and what has been, remain in the present moment at all costs, try to view yourself in third person and objectively, surround yourself with people you adore and your world will form so beautifully around you.
it hurt me so fucking pretty
for the past year i have been invisible
i was made into an imaginary adversary by an engineer
he saw me as an echo of someone from the past
still, i cherished him, love as my shackle and misplaced rage as my crucible
nothing i said could sway his paranoid desperation
someone who had done to him what he ultimately did to me
maybe one day we will be as one again
god knows i tried
A LETTER TO MY ONLY LOVE
i don’t know why this site is. perhaps it is a monument to a previously hidden or secret struggle of mine. who knows. it’s helping me cope. the wound is still so fresh. i don’t think i will ever love another human being. i just wish he could have known the truth instead of fallen prey to his own paranoid mental machinations. i love you jay. i hope you find peace. solace. comfort. happiness. i can only hope that one day we shall meet again, and that then you may see me, really see me- as the loyal and mortally devoted entity that i am. i guard you in my heart, there are still pieces of when it was perfect. for now, i don’t know what i will do, but i will most definitely be waiting for you. i guess i seem pathetic now. it is of no matter to me. i have always been nothing other than real to you. don’t i deserve the same..??? ¿¿ ???
yours always,
dead girl
it hurts so fucking pretty